Within my first 10 or so yoga classes, I learned to used the physical postures as a vehicle to begin paying attention to my body and build an awareness of how each made me feel. On the mat, I could often watch frustration, anger, sadness, fear start to melt away and be replaced by feelings of happiness, lightness and gratitude. I realized that I wasn’t just learning new ways to be in my body and in the moment, but I was un-learning habits of judgment and resentment that hadn’t felt good for a long time. I was noticing that I had the ability and space to choose how to respond to the feelings that came up, regardless of the circumstances. Most importantly, I was learning that I could finally begin to feel safe, and start to soften my anxious grip on life. I could come home and find peace. I suddenly realized that I could quite literally save my life and I was endeavored to inspire veterans like me in the process.
In in the Summer of 2011, I completed Charm City Yoga’s first ever intensive teacher training and by the second day of week 3, I was beat, but also very alive! I recall thinking on more than one occasion that the mental and emotional challenges I faced here, rivaled the Marine Officer training I got in Quantico. We learned the traditional poses and how to teach them. We learned to breathe and let go, and how to safely invite others to do the same. We learned the yoga sutras, the energy body as well as basic anatomy and meditation. Upon graduating, I started teaching he first SFHW yoga for vets class at CCY’s Towson studio and the response was strong, although there was a problem.
At least in part, I still held on to the story that tough guy Marines shouldn’t be doing fluffy stretchy white chick on the cover of Yoga Journal-type nonsense. I lacked courage, but only for a moment. I hadn’t completely embraced yoga, I was worried what other people would think. Finally, I said screw it. What do I have to prove? I made it through the “Battle of Ramadi”. This stuff is way too good and way too powerful! “There are lives to save” as Kim Manfredi told me one day. So, I owned it, and that’s when things really started to take off for me personally and the entire yoga for vets mission.
We quickly got some local and (small) national media attention and did our best to promote the class with the Towson University campus vet population and the VA. We also partnered up with a sister veteran organization championed by Rich Moore and Dave Landymore of The 6th Branch. These devil dogs were making great efforts to reform and rebuild an underserved, run-down part of Baltimore by cleaning up and repairing abandoned homes. Suzanne Manafort and Daniel J Libby became instrumental champions of the mission, offering trauma specific methods of teaching yoga to veterans. In 2012 I then began teaching to the residential veterans in the PTSD/ Substance Abuse clinic under Dr. Andy Santanello. Fast forward to 2014, I taught in the Baltimore VA’s neurology department with Dr. Robert Lavin, specifically for veterans with chronic pain issues. Overall now, yoga is offered in at least 60 VA’s nationwide, and the number seems to grow every week.
But back to me, because this is all about me, right? As I’ve progressed and grown as a teacher, I’ve done my best to apply the practices and principles to my own life which has accelerated and promoted my awakening as a good and simple man. Sure, I've stumbled often and completely fallen off on several occasions, but I’ve simply learned how to be and feel better over the years, with myself and with others. It’s allowed me to wake up to what is happening in my life and realize how often I let ego and pride to sabotage my ability to be honest and live right.
I’m now completing my 500 hour teacher training with former Army Ranger,Rolf Gates. With his wise guidance, and my commitment toward progress, I’ve strengthened my resolve to confront my deepest fears and demons. From the guilt and shame from all my past failures, to recurring PTS symptoms, to the destructive patterns of alcohol addiction that held me captive for 15 years, I have now come to a place where my aim is true and steady. I feel more capable and resilient than ever to rise to all of life’s challenges, fulfill my potential and not be so scared of falling short or not being enough. With this spiritual structure and positive outlook, I know that I can … we ALL can recover from the most painful and traumatic experiences life dishes our way.
As far as SFHW's growth is concerned, we just recently transitioned to Warrior Wellness Solutions for branding and we have added regular yoga classes in Virginia with staff instructor Peter Baverso, classes in North Carolina with Elijah, Alvaro and Clarissa, classes as well as in Pittsburgh with ambassador Sean O'Neill. Staff instructor Jason Baer completed his own teacher training last year and now has the helm of the Towson crew. We also have skillful instructors like Michael Hanley, Patience Brown, Eric Brown, Scott Ostrow II, Sharla Williams-Hunt getting the good word out for us in the field. In addition, Heather Johnstone offers fantastic acupuncture, for no cost to vets.
Allison Jordan Hofmann and the Lululemon crew in Towson as well as Colleen Dalton have been clutch with regular donations of money for vets to take classes as well as high quality mats to practice on! For that we are forever grateful.
Over the years, the venues may have changed and attendance has fluctuated, but one thing has remained, there are now multiple, thriving, resilient communities of veteran yogis that have grown, strengthened and benefitted from the practices we teach on and off the mat.
Honor, courage, commitment. Semper Fi and Namaste you brave bastards!
Join us in writing the next chapter!
CJ
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